The Captain’s Travels: Oahu – Day 4 – Welcome… to Jurassic Park

(This post originally appeared on Facebook before I started this blog.)

Captain’s Log, Day 4

Went hunting for the elusive dinosaur. Came home empty handed and hungry after hiding from Godzilla in an old military bunker. Had to defend against a velociraptor, but it’s okay – it’s the size of a turkey, not a lion, and it doesn’t have friends upon whom it can rely on. Rawr.

Today, we hunted the most dangerous game. No, not man — man is surprisingly easy to hunt. We’re really bad at hiding and have no practical wilderness defensive features except our intelligent brains, and those are incredibly delicious easy to fool. I mean dinosaurs. Real dinosaurs.

We heard rumors they could still be found at the Kualoa Ranch. For safety, we absconded with a few ATVs to reach their last known sighting, not only because the trek was that much faster, but also because we had a faster escape route should we need it.

Kualoa Ranch has been used as the filming location for many movies and TV shows, including Jurassic Park, Godzilla, Hawaii Five-O, Lost, and 50 First Dates. We opted for the ATV tour for a more personal experience, and after a brief safety course and a little bit of practice operating the vehicles, off we went onto the muddy trails at speed! We were instructed to stay close as a group, but I may have intentionally stayed in the back so I could fall behind everyone else and really floor it in an effort to catch up.

At one of the final stops along the tour, a newlywed couple within our tour group were trying to take scenic photos of themselves sharing a single ATV, but they were both clearly uncomfortable in their shared poses, and the awkwardness was very evident in the photos. So being entirely confident and secure in our own heterosexualities, Dave and I decided to show them how it was done. I climbed aboard his ATV facing him and we posed in an endearing romantic posture, caressing each other’s faces and looking lovingly into each other’s eyes. The rest of the tour group laughed hysterically at our goofiness, and the couple’s subsequent photos actually turned out much better.


Comments Ho!